Dear Diary
by Luthien and Tari Oronar
Summary: This is about a girl named Mary Suetotally antiMary Sue, though. It’s supposed to be a [kinda] humorous account of her life and how it’s affected when she ends up in Middle Earth. It’s written in diary form, so…yah. PG13 just to be safe. Luthien'
1. February 13

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Lord of the Rings (though I do own a nice copy of the book and the movies lol) or any of its characters. If I did, I would be very happy and would not be writing this story because I would be to busy…erm…hanging out with certain members of the opposite sex…right, uh, yah. I think that says it all.

**Summary**: This is about a girl named Mary Sue who I intend to be as anti-Mary Sue as possible. It's supposed to be a kinda humorous account of her life and how it's affected when she ends up in Middle Earth. It's written in diary form, so…yah. PG-13 just to be safe.

Thursday, February 13

Name: Mary Sue Smith

Age: 16

Gender: female

Dear Diary

OK. So, since I've never actually done a diary before, this is a little different. But Mom says that I must, since perhaps it will allow me to release some of my pent up anger and other emotions that have been simmering in me since Ada's death. Well what in the world does she expect me to be feeling? My flipping father just died—I'm supposed to be depressed and angry! Whatever. It's not like she would understand. She hasn't cried a single tear since they told her he was dead. I swear she cried all the time when he was gone—I could here her since her room is next to mine—but now that he's dead she doesn't seem to care anymore. Now she's just macho tough "I-can-take-care-of-me-and-my-kids-by-myself" lady. Grrr! She makes me so mad!

OK. Enough about that. It makes me really mad to think about, so I'm just going to stop. Uh lets see. What to talk about…hmm. Oh, right. School. I HATE SCHOOL! I also hate stupid teachers who think that they know everything. Did it ever occur to them that there are more important things than whether or not Emc2? Or is it mc3? Whatever. I don't care. I hate chemistry, and I'm never taking it again. I wouldn't even be taking it now if Mom hadn't insisted on it. Mom. Gahr! Sometimes, I really don't like that woman!

Non-mother subject. Non-mother subject. Must find non-mother subject to talk abut. Think, think, think—oooh! I know! So: Penny and Micah and Lukas and I are having this party tomorrow night. Mom thinks we're just going to go to Penny's mom's place and hang out, but we're actually going to go up to the mountains and go on a hiking trip. It's going to be cold, but it will be so fun! Mom would kill me if she knew I was going to go hiking. She's never let me do any kind of extreme sport (especially outdoors ones) since the time I fell when I was mountain climbing and broke my back. She doesn't understand that accidents _do_ happen. Whoa, whoa, whoa. How did we get on my mother? That wasn't supposed to happen. Humph. Why can't she just leave me alone? I can't even get away from her when I'm by myself! Argh!

Whatever. I'll write tomorrow or something.

Peace out!

Mary Sue

**A/N**: Just to let you all know, this girl is not at all me—my dad is still very much alive, thank-you very much, my mother is not a tough lady, and I do not hate her at all. Just thought I should clear that up. Oh—I've also never even seen a real mountain in my entire life (unless you count pictures/TV). :D So, I would really appreciate any ideas anyone has that they would like to contribute to the cause. 'What cause?' you ask? Well…the good cause. Let's just leave it at that.  Oh! And any corrections or suggestions or characters you would like to see will also be considered, if you'd just like to let me know. Also, please do me a favor and review this. You can even just say "hi" or something—just let me know you read it. Please? Thank-you! If that didn't make sense, let me just say this: please review:D)

Lotsa love!

Luthien Oronar


	2. February 14

**Disclaimer**: All right, fine! I confess. I own them—I own them all! sigh. Who am I trying to kid? runs from room in tears Oh! I don't own Eragon either. Though I wouldn't mind getting my own dragon…

Friday, February 14

Dear Diary

Aaargh! Stupid, flippin' school! I hate this! Why can't school just end now? You know, I really wish that a certain parental unit (who's name I'm not going to mention for fear of outburst of anger) had let me just finish the rest of the year at home or something. I'm sure she could have found a way to work it. But noooo. This certain parental unit just _had_ to make me stay in stupid Middleton High School. It's so DUMB! _Everybody_, and I do mean everybody, knows about Ada's death—how couldn't they? It was the biggest news story of the month?—and all anybody can think of when they see me is "Awww. Poor girl." I don't want their dumb sympathy! What I want is my father back. Stupid Delimorth. Stupid US of A! Why do we always have to get into fights? I wish I could live somewhere else—like Middle Earth or Alagaesia or something.

Oh! I (along with Micah) have decided upon a new crime fighting technique. Dollar bills get transformed in dollar planes, and they can carry coinage in them. Whenever there's a crime, these dollar planes load up with coins and fly way up high above the crime. Then, when the timing is perfect, these coins (which have a superb of direction) will be dumped out of the dollar plane and maneuver their selves so that they will land on the criminals. And Voila! Crime fighting, with out endangering a single law enforcer. Aren't we good? I tell yah. Great minds work at their peak when stuck in Study Hall with nothing to do besides study for exams. Good old Micah. He's one of those few people who still treats me the same. He's a nice guy. (sometimes)

I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go home. Actually, I don't want to go home. I just want to get out of school so I can go to my house and grab my bags and vamoose! I can't wait! Oh, yay! Bell's about to ring. You know what? I hate Family Living and Parenting. It's so boring. All Mrs. Donals can ever talk about is the time she locked herself out of the house and her baby was stuck inside, and her husband had to come home from work just so she could rescue her poor kids. Yacka-yacka. Seriously? Who cares if the kids are locked inside for a couple hours? It'll teach them how to be alone for a while. Plus, it's not like any of us our going to lock any of our kids (which, in case you're interested, we apparently are all going to have because all teens can do anymore is have unprotected sex. Yah. Whatever. At least we have _lives!_ Oh, bell!

Ciao!

Mary Sue

**A/N**:OK. So since I really don't like discriminating against people—even ones I don't like—I've decided to make up a country based on Tolkien's works: Delimorth (derived from _Delimorgoth_—an early form of Morgoth (bad Valar guy))—which the US is at war with for some wacky crazy reason. If you have any good suggestions for the war, please REVIEW and let me know. Ça va? (OK?) And the dollar plane and coin thing came from an actual discussion a friend and I had in study hall. (One of our tamer ideas. lol. What can I say? Study Hall is so boring!) (By the way, the coin idea is copywrited. :P) Review people, and I'll give you nice, pretty, imaginary virtual brownies! Won't that be fun? And I promise, in the next chapter or two, this will become a Lord of the Rings fan fic. I just wanna give y'all a picture of what she's like, first.


	3. February 14, later

**Disclaimer**: Hmm? What? Me, own? No. Who are you trying to kid? I'm just a poor, lonely student without a thing in the world. tries shoving…certain…Gondorians behind self What? Behind me? Oh. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Friday, February 14—I guess

Dear Diary

OK. This really sucks. I'm lost. We were hiking up a stupid trail, and I tripped and fell down the side of the mountain. (Don't worry, we weren't high enough up for it to be really steep or anything.) But anyways. I lost consciousness because there was a stupid rock in the way of my head. When I came to, I was stuck in some forest with a bunch of strange trees.

I couldn't get a signal on my cell-phone, and my compass isn't working. I know, because I looked at it and it said I was facing North. Then I checked my phone to see if I had a signal yet (even though I hadn't even moved) and when I checked the compass again—without budging an inch—I was all of a sudden facing West. Neither of these things is very nice. And _then_, some Renaissance wanna-be with long blond hair comes riding up on a horse and starts yelling at me in some foreign language (think it's Russian or something. Or maybe German. Or Dutch. Foreign. Weird language.) OK, yah. So that really bugs me. Why can't people learn English when they come to the US? Seriously. Welcome to America. We speak English here. Learn it. Buh-bye.

Yah, but anyways. So, this guy brings all these other blonde-guys-on-horses-friends of his over and they start pointing these frickin spears at me! Sheesh! Just who do they think they are? I mean, seriously. Like a sixteen-year-old girl is going to do bodily harm to them or something. Right. I don't think so, buddies. And then they…**herd **(for lack of better words) me to this camp and tie me up to a dumb tree! Seriously. What is with them! Whatever happened to 'women are the more delicate race' trash? They're supposed to be nice to me! Especially if they so wacked that they think that they come from such an obviously old-fashioned society.

I yelled at them some, and finally they re-tied me so that my hands are now in front of me. Much better. Writing is definitely boring, but it is so much better than staring at the tip of my nose and trying to count how many freckles are there. This isn't fair.

Oh, would you look at that. The freak with pretty yellow hair and the sharp pointy sword is coming over here. Yah, "blah-bah-blah" to you too. What, does he think I know what he's thinking? Yah, uh, I _don't_ think so buddy. I am so totally suing them or something when I get out of here. Dumb -


	4. February 15

**Disclaimer:** What? I told you. They're mine. Back off!

**A/N: **I know, I know, I know. I'm cracked. You don't need to tell me, seriously. I've heard it all before. Just shut up and enjoy the story. (Oh, and I promise it'll become more of a LotR fic soon. I'm just trying to set her up so that you kinda understand her before the plot actually starts. And don't ask me what the plot is, because I don't know yet.)

Saturday, February 15?

Dear Diary,

Sorry about that. Blonde boy apparently didn't appreciate my lack of interest and decided to take you away from me. Seriously. Does he have, like, no manners or something? Ugh. Guys. You know, there is a reason why I make a point not to date. All guys are idiots till they're at least 40. And there is no way I'm going to date a 40-year-old guy. I'm not even an adult yet, so…yah. Not happening. Sorry!

Anyways. Back to the subject at hand. You know, I really need to learn how to stay on track. It gets a little distracting, sometimes. So. My friends in armour packed up this morning and made me ride a horse with one of the stinky, smelly riders. By the way, the night was really uncomfortable. But at least they gave me a blanket with which to keep warm. Albeit it did stink, but it was better than nothing. So they brought me to this, like, Stone Age settlement place. I'm not kidding. I feel like I was transported to 12th century Europe.

When we got to this city, they then took me to this big…castle? And they made me stand in front of this guy on a throne and they argued forever in whatever their jibber-jabber is, (I'm not kidding, these freaks really think that they are living in Medieval Europe or something.) And after they got done yacking with their kingy-guy, they took me to this really cold stone room with a bed and a skin rug on the fur. I know it's a skin rug, because it has eyes and a mouth. Poor…animal. It got killed to keep my toes warm! How cruel!

So, then, some girl came in—she looks to be in her 20s—and she made me change into this grey dress—full length, mind you—, but I guess I can't blame her. I guess that if they think they're from whenever they think they're from, a girl in jeans might disturb them. And then she brushed my hair and braided it. Now I look like one of them. Yippee.

So now they have me cleaning dishes in this really old version of a kitchen. I'm not kidding—I actually have to draw water and stuff! I don't like it. 

Well, I think I'm going to go to sleep. It's been a really long day

Mary Sue


	5. February 1623

**Disclaimer:** Éomer is mine. Mine! MINE! You can't have him. I don't do sharing. You can have Grima though. I don't want him.

**A/N:** Just till I can get to where the story will start writing, I'm going to have a bunch of short entries, in the time span of weeks, then we'll return to the plot. :P

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Sunday, February 16

Dear Diary,

I don't think they're planning on letting me go. I've got to think of some way to escape. Seriously—they're working me death! I'm so totally not even kidding!

Monday, February 17

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry I'm not writing more extensively, but I'm still trying to get out. Plus try to survive with all this stupid work. Do you think anyone's looking for me?

Tuesday, February 18

Dear Diary,

OMG! Éowyn—she's the girl I told you about earlier (we've managed to make each other understand our names)—introduced me to some guy today. And he is so HOT! Actually, I think that he was one of the guys that captured me, but he looks much nicer now that he's not all sweaty and stinky, and isn't pointing a spear at me.

Still trying to find a way to escape.

Wednesday, February 19

Oh my word. They're insane. All of them. They all think they're Rohirrim—"Éowyn's" friend is Éomer. These people are crazy!.

I'm really getting tired of this. Maybe I should just start running. For some odd reason, though, I don't think that they would appreciate it.

Thursday, February 20

Dear Diary,

I think I'm going insane here! The only thing that is keeping from going completely and totally crazed is the fact that I'm writing in here each day. Is any one even looking for me?

Friday, February 21

Why can't they just let me go? Have they been, like, looking for a slave to do their dishes, or something? Oh, just so you know…they have a LOT of dishes! Seriously! Like, 5 thousand a day, or something! I feel like I'm ten years old again, and Ada and Mom and I are at the soup kitchen handing out food and washing dishes for Thanksgiving.

Saturday, February 22

Seriously. They think they're in Rohan. The least they could do is provide my with some wandering elf or something. If they're going to make me live like I'm some Rohan chick, I'm going to at least need someone who at least _resembles_ an elf!

Sunday, February 23

To tired to write.

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Thank-you **Andra Mercuria**, for your kind and amusing review. :P 

And thank-you, **Auta Miqula Orqu**. I'm glad its entertaining. :D Yah, I decided to throw that "Ada" part in there because, for one reason, it would give her more of a connection to ME than she thought. Plus, that's a cool name for Dad (I think), so voila. Ada. ;)

Thank-you **Legolas's Girl**. Did you hear that everybody? She called me "your greatness"! I'm a greatness! dances around room, feeling very special Yah, thanks to **gandalf -dumbledore -obi-wan—**don't think she's reading this, but I'm sending her my thanks anyways :P—I learned that I had to fix a thingy on my account to allow anonymous reviews. I didn't know that before. sheepish grin So yah, thank-you very much for your encouraging review! It made me very happy. lol


	6. February 24 to March 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it! If I did, I'd find a way to transport myself into Middle Earth, so that I could enjoy that which I own. (Actually, that's not such a bad idea…)

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Monday, February 24

"Éowyn" is really agitated about something. I think it's because her friend, "Éomer" is gone for something. If she concentrated on working, like me, she would be too busy to think about him, though.

Tuesday, February 25

…Oh my word! I feel so awful! "Éomer" just came back—his and "Éowyn's" friend just got killed. "Éomer" came riding up from wherever he and his buddies had been, and they had a body with them—their friend. I hate to be mean in a time of sorrow like this, but if they had stopped waving their swords and spears around, this might not have happened.

Wednesday, February 26

Everybody is really depressed. I don't blame them. I'm starting to think that somebody else killed their buddy now, though. Somebody told "Éomer" something, and he's arguing with the boss—the "king" presumably—about something. (Which I presume has to do with the death of their friend.

Thursday, February 27

"Éomer" is acting all suspicious and slinky. I think he's planning something. I'd warn someone, but since I can't really communicate (Other than to signal that the dishes are done), I guess they'll have to figure it out without me.

Friday, February 28

I was right! "Éomer" is gone! He left sometime during the night. And if you thought that "Éowyn was distressed when he was gone before, you should see her now. She's spending a good portion of the day standing at the front stairs, staring off into the hills, hoping to see him return, I guess.

Saturday, February 29

One good thing about all this angst—no one's eating much! Can you say "less dishes"? I can. And that makes me really happy! (though I pretend that I, too, am sad. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.)

Sunday, March 1

Aww. I love little kids. One kid, a kitchen help, is so unaffected by all this sorrow! She goes around singing all the time. It makes me so happy! Her name is Vie. Seriously, none of these people had better ever learn English, because she's learning some Mary songs, and I doubt her parents would appreciate what some of them say.

Speaking of English, when is someone going to come looking for me? Seriously. You would think that I would have heard of something by now. Whatever.

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**A/N**: Sorry it took me so long to update. :'( hides head in shame Must write more—I've been slacking really bad. Whoops. Review, and when I make myself post the next chapter, I'll say thank-you! Oooh-la-la! Awesome, huh?

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**Auta Miqula Orqu**—Yay! Thank-you. I'm glad it was funny. What is the Elvish word for mom? It's pretty similar to dad, isn't it? (I heard it somewhere, but I forgot it. Whoopsie)

**Legolas's Girl—**Thank-you. I'm glad you like my story. :D huggles self, feeling very special again

**Mary**—Yippee! My story is awesome! Thank-you!

**Elizabeth Aiken**—Whee! Thank-you! I'm glad you like it:D


	7. March 2 to March 7

**Disclaimer: **Yah, um. Not mine. Sorry.

**A/N: **Oh my word! I am so awful! I'm sorry! tear, tear Actually, I'm kinda suffering from a writer's block. :(

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**_Angel15116_: Nope. She ended up in Rohan, and she's going to meet up with the Fellwship (minus Frodo, Sam, and my Boromir.) Sorry. I hope its just you! Lol (I don't wanna be confusing! Hides head) :D**

**_lathalian_: Thank-you. Um, Mary Sue is kinda just in denial—like she thinks that if she refuses to believe this is Middle Earth, it will turn out to just be a dream or something. :D She doesn't really know the stories. You know, watched the movies, fell in love (typical Mary Sue, of course lol) with Legolas, yada yada yada. :D hmmm. Run away. I never thought of that, but I might just have to try that somewhere. :)**

**_Mystical Full Moon Maiden:_ Hannon le! (Tee hee. I know that one:D Nana. I knew it was something like that. :D No insultie me. :'( I hope it gets funnier soon! We don't want non-amusing story:( Whole point of story is amusing! bites fingernails frantically—Must get funny! lol**

**_Legolas's Girl:_ Do I have to answer that question? I have a feeling you'll already find out in a couple secs. Lol Thank-you…I'm glad you love my story:)

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Monday, March 2

I am so tired. And I'm really depressed. I would seriously take mom over this. I'm working so hard here, and no one understands me at ALL, and I don't know anyone here. 

Tuesday, March 3

Ahhh! I'm saved! Ach! I'm dead! First off, I found someone who understands me—she calls herself Ireth. She can speak their language, so she's my translator. And she believes that we are in Middle Earth.

So first of all, Ireth is NOT the kind of person I would usually spend time with—she's beautiful, skinny, not got a single pimple, and her hair is perfect. And she speaks some fake language, which everybody seems to be able to understand. She claims to be speaking Elvish. Yeah right.  Yet, she's the only person I've been able to communicate with—in English—for over half a month! And she seems to be pretty nice, so I guess she's OK.

Everybody here is crazy. She too thinks that we're in Rohan, and that she's traveling with the Fellowship of the Ring—from the Lord of the Rings. Actually, now that I think of it, the really scary part is that they all look similar to the people that they think they are. What did I do to deserve this?

Wednesday, March 4

OMG! I'm in a battle! Seriously—this morning we all had to pack up, and according to Ireth, we had to go to Helms Deep. So now we're in this old fortress thingy, like in the movie. Only the "Aragorn" guy is still here—those monsters didn't attack us. Ireth claims that Peter Jackson, the guy who did the movies, added that part in for heightened suspense. I guess that's OK: I nearly wet my pants in the theater when I saw that.

Anyways. So now, I'm in these caves—which are, by the way, really wet and cold!—and I'm stuck holding a baby, who I guess doesn't have a mom (that or doesn't have a mom who wants him right now). I can't ask Ireth because she's out IN the battle fighting! Crazy people. I tell you. I hate this. I think I'm going to go insane!

I wonder if this how Dad felt before he would go out to fight? Nervous, excited, scared, a pit in the bottom left-hand side of your stomach… I wonder if I'm going to die?

Oh, shit. Some guy just came in and started yelling at us. He motioned for us to go back into the caves. I think we're losing our fortress. Everybody's really nervous, and a lot of people are going hysterical. I hate dark places.

Thursday, March 5

I'm alive! I can't believe it! I'm now sitting here at a campfire in the middle of the wilderness, with Ireth and her "Fellowship" and "Théoden King." Ireth found me this morning, and brought me out. She said that we had won, and that we were now to go to Isenguard Isengard (she just came over and told me that there isn't a "U" in the word). She said that she had convinced Gandalf and Théoden to allow me to join them, since we spoke the same language, thus making this all a little bit easier on me.

I can't believe I survived! I guess a lot of people didn't. Apparently, there were many casualties amongst the fighters, and some of the orcs had made it into the caves and killed a good number of survivors before they were stopped and killed. I'm starting t o believe that either I, too, am in Middle Earth, or I am completely insane and am imagining _all _of this! I'm not sure which one I prefer.

Friday, March 6

OK. We are at this Isengu…Isengard place now. The really old guy—Gandalf, the wizard, I guess—spent all afternoon yelling at another old guy—another wizard, I suppose—this morning, and their argument (at least, I can only assume that it was an argument) ended only when the old guy on top of the tower's staff broke and he left our line of sight. Somebody threw a ball at us as a parting gift. Fortunately for us, whoever it was, was obviously never on the baseball team.

After a while, Ireth and I got tired of the wizards' argument, so we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon swapping stories. Apparently, she has been a fan of Lord of the Rings since she was a little girl, and taught herself to speak both Quenya and Sindarin (she told me how to spell those—I never would have got them on my own, lol). She was in a car accident and the next thing she new, she had woken up in a forest, and was found by Legolas (the blondie who keeps casting looks over at us. He makes me kinda uncomfortable.) So, she convinced them to allow her to come with them on the Quest to destroy the Ring, and she's been traveling with Legolas and the others for about six months now. Then I told her my story. You know. Only child, my dad was killed in the war with Delimorgoth a few months ago, and then I had gone on a hike (without my mom's knowledge—or permission, heh-heh—)and fell down the side of the hill, and voila! Ended up here with all these potheads (though, of course, I didn't say that.) She got really quiet when she heard about Dad's death. Damn! Why does everybody do that? He's dead—I've gotten over it. He isn't coming back, and everybody's pity isn't going to help matters any!

Saturday, March 7

OK. Now we're off again. I swear, my ass is going to be rubbed raw by the time this is over! I'm not used to riding horses—give my butt a break! I'm really tired, so I'm not going to write much more than this.


	8. March 8

**Disclaimer:** Awww! You guys are so sweet! You actually think its mine? Well, thanks for the trust, but I've been lying to you. It all belongs to Mr. J.R.R. Tolkien (though I must confess, I did sorta give him some ideas :P Yah right.).

**A/N: **I'm gonna go back to the daily entries—I meant to with the last chapter, but I kinda sorta forgot to. lol And I'm sorry I didn't update sooner—I'm a lousy author and I need to stop lying. :P

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**Reviews: **

**Mystical Full Moon Maiden:** Well, I updated. Not exactly soon, though. :'( No, wait! I did update soon! It's _only_ been six days! Wahoo! I'm so awesome! dances around room crazily in special little circle. lol And it was funnier! Yes! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! … Erm, OK. I think I should stop now—I get the feeling I'm starting to scare some people. nods from around world OK, fine. I'm done. :D

**Elizabeth Aiken:** You better! I'm nice, I updated…soon. (yah right ;)), so you must update! strikes special pose and pretends to be Gandalf Don't ask. I think there was something in the food tonight…something not so good for me.

**Legolas's Girl 9: **Mary Sue? Where, whe—oh. Right. Ireth. Whoops? Forgot about her for a moment! lol just kidding. Me? Forget about…yeah. OK. Moving on…… sigh. I need some serious help—not only with my psycho self, but also with my, ahem, memory. wipes tear from eye It's not fair! I want a memory! Must go visit Wizard of Oz now.

**lathalian: **I know. It makes sense, doesn't it. Usually, they just hang out with buddies who come with them. But I think it makes sense that if they're popping in, others should be popping in at the same time. I'm such a genous! pats self on back, feeling very special and happy. Don't say anything to make me stop feeling special! ;)

**Another A/N: **Wow. I really am feeling kinda special tonight, aren't I? looks at scary reviewer responses Icky. That in itself could scare a lot of people off! I need to go see a counselor—fast! Tee-hee. Enjoy the story, everybody!

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Sunday, March 8

Oh. My. Word. What are we doing? Why am I here? Why is Ireth the only person who understands English? Why can't I be home sleeping:( I don't like this game anymore! Ireth is making me go with her and the Aragorn guy and the elf, Legolas, and Gimli, the dwarf. They're going to some place to get some recruits for some impending battle.

bangs head against diary. I don't like this game anymore! A _battle_? Seriously. What did I do to deserve this? I'm just an average teenager who likes to spend time with her friends. I don't wanna fight! People get killed when they fight. This sucks…big time.

Ireth is getting really weird, too. She's, like, hanging over L & A. And she's making them help her with her "swordsmanship" and her "shooting practice." Huh? She thinks she's, like, Xena, Warrior Princess or something! Not only does she have the perfect body, she can _sing_ (and she's not afraid to let us know, either. :( ), she's an excellent cook, and now, she can _fight!_ I have never met a more _sickeningly **perfect**_ person in my life! Seriously—she's so perfect she makes me sick.

Now Gimli, on the other hand, now _he_ is awesome. I can't really understand him to well, but I guess Ireth taught him a little English. So that gave me a starting point, and I can converse limitedly with him in both English and Dwarvish. (Is that even a word, "Dwarvish?" I don't know what else to call it. So, I guess that works, right?) Anyways. So, he's trying to teach me how to defend myself with an axe. Now. A little note about axes. Those things are HUGE! I'm not even kidding—it has to weigh almost as much as I do! (And I'm not the smallest person, in case you were wondering.) It's, like, almost impossible for me to move! I mean, I can drag it, but unless someone jumps on top of it, that isn't going to do me much good. I kinda feel bad for the guy. Here he is, trying to help me out, and all I can do, basically, is stare wide mouthed at him and his axe.

OMG! This place we're camped out is, like, really freaky! It's by this mountain. And the mountain is really misty, and there isn't hardly any vegetation. I can't quite figure out what it is that makes me so nervous, but the place is really unnerving. And it isn't just me—the horses are freaking out too. I really don't like it here.

I'm going to go to sleep now; apparently we have "a big day tomorrow." Yah, whatever Ireth.

Mary Sue


	9. March 9

March 9

Dear Diary,

Eeek! I am _so _freaked out right now its not even funny! Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross! I just had the _worst _day of my life! When Ireth said it was the "Paths of the Dad," I thought it was just some funny name. You know "hah-hah-hah, I scared you" kinda thing. But not quite.

I mean, last night, it was kinda late when we got to the "caves." And even though they freaked me out, I was to occupied "heeding Ireth's advice" and getting some rest—and admiring Gimli's axe skills—to be too worried about them. I figured it was just nerves or something.

Yah right. That is the freakiest place I've ever seen! We spent forever today, walking through all that mist and gloom and so on and so forth. Everything was so quiet, and since it was a bunch of rocks, there wasn't even anything alive in there! (Except for us, of course.)

And then…ghosts! Everywhere! It was, like, so gross, and scary, it's not even funny! I never believed in ghosts before this—it was really freaky! Aragorn looked like he was arguing with them about something (Ireth said that he was trying to get them to fight for him). Then they all, just, disappeared.

When we finally got out of that freaky place, the ghost guys showed up again! What is with that! Apparently, our ghostly stalkers aren't planning on leaving either—Ireth said they're going to fight for us. Yippee. I have ghosts for friends. What next?

It's late, so I'm going to try and find some nice corner with_out_ any ghost guys to bug me so I can get some sleep now.

Later,

Mary Sue

P.S. Gimli knows how to say "Hi" and…some other 'slang' expressions. Hey—its not _my_ fault he picks up on the naughty words!

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**Reviewer Responses:**

**Legolas's Girl 9: **Yes. I like Gimli a lot, so I agree that he needs a lot more acknowledgement:D Gracias for reviewing!

**lathalian: **Good idear—We have decided that the next few entries should be devoted to explanations and thoughts etc. :D Thank-you for reviewing!

**Mystical Full Moon Maiden:** Yuppers. I decided it would be fun to include a real overdone Mary Sue. So voila! Ireth. :P Oooh. Barrel racing! Sounds like fun! I always thought that would be fun. Bareback? Eeerm, maybe not. I'd probably slip off first turn. Lol Merci pour votre review! (don't know what "review" is in French. Hmm. shrugs ahh, who knows.)

Anybody got any ideas? Cuz I'm open to anymore suggestions:D


	10. March 9again

Disclaimer: Me: Do I really have to do this _again?_ Agent: Yes. Me: Fine. It's not mine, and never will be. Happy? Agent: Yes.

Author's Note. Thanks to all my faithful reviewers. I really and truly apologize for my lack of updating. School's been hectic, and then Fanfic wasn't letting me log in to post. So yah. Sorry!

Review Replies:

Nota Lone: Welcome! Thanx for the review:D Yes. My response to all those aweful Mary Sues everywhere who we all love to hate. lol

Legolas's Girl 9: Yes, Gimli is definately the best:D I like teaching him..."slang." lol Makes me very happy.

Mystical Full Moon Maiden: Yah, well the only experience I've had riding bareback (at a canter, not even a gallop!) was on Gurdie. And she dumped me, so yah. lol.

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March 9

Dear Diary,

No, my dating is not a typo. What happened is this: Miss Nosey-Wosy Ireth was "observing" my journal (call it whatever she wants—she was reading it. That's doesn't change. Little Spy.) and she noticed my dating system. And her being the perfect little human calendar, noted that this year in Middle Earth is a leap year, and therefore, felt obliged to inform me that to make my journal more "user-friendly" (like anyone else is even gonna _read _it—it's MY journal, not the worlds. But whatever.), I should write in Middle Earth entries. So, I will humor her a little bit. But I swear. If I EVER find out that she was browsing my journal again, I'll kill her. Get that Ireth? I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU READ THIS!

Yawn. Lots and lots and lots of marching. I think Aragorn wants to take the place of my gym teacher and Cross Country Coach, Mr. Paulson, as track drill sergeant. After this, I'm ready for anything Mr. Paulson tries throwing at me. Yah. So, I'm getting kinda tired of all this exercise. Seriously. Who wants to walk, when you could just be hanging around doing…nothing. Which is what I wanna do. Who cares about rescuing a city? It's gonna be fine, let me take a break. But noooo. Ireth (who I have decided is PMS, since she is being a complete and total _bitch_) refuses to translate my opinions. She claims that without Aragorn and our ghostly friends, we're stuck between a "rock and a hard place" as she so quaintly puts it.. Right. Let's see here. Do I look like I care? N-O. I …

Oh, shit.. What if _I'm _PMS? I don't have anything! It's been about a month since…you know. What do I do? Oh, the joy. How do I handle this? Maybe Ireth knows. I really don't wanna go to her for help, though. But what else am I going to do? I'm kinda screwed if I get out of PMS and into MS with no back up.

I hate being humbled.

Mary Sue


	11. March 10

**A/N:** I'm truly sorry this took so long to update! Thank-you all for your patience! Kisses! lol

**Review Responses:**

**Nota Lone:** I love mountains! Not that I've ever been on one in real life. But I pretend I'm on them! Does that count? lol

**Legolas' Girl 9:** Yes. I'd been sitting there, and I was like, "You know what? I don't think anyone has ever mentioned that! What would you do if you were stuck in the wilderness with no...feminine products?" So I decided to find out. :D

**Mystical Full Moon Maiden**: I think the world shall end. That would be interesting, wouldn't it? Oh no! It's here! World, die! Mwah-hah-hah. blush sorry. Oooh. Barrel-racing bareback...I'd fall off. I can tell you that without even thinking. Cuz I have no sense of balance. Wooh-hoo! Go me! lol

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March 10

Dear Diary,

If I EVER even think of going to Ireth for any sort of advice or help AGAIN, I kid you not, I will seriously KILL myself! You know what she did when I told her my fears? She _laughed_. That's right. The little…Bitch laughed at me! Just who does she think she is? I mean, seriously. It isn't like she doesn't go through the same trials…although, now that I think about it, she does act a little less than human. Maybe she's some alien out to destroy all life! That must be it. She's a phony. I knew it. Anyways. So, here she is, going hysterical because, you know, I'm in such a predicament and it will never happen to her, and prissy-poo L comes up to her and asks what is making her laugh. And she TOLD him! (At least, I'm assuming she told him…it wasn't like I understood or anything.) Of course, he seemed to find this amusing too. So now, probably the entire world knows. Because he sure as hey can't keep his mouth shut.

We crossed a river to day—A called it Ringló. At least, I think that's its name. He could have been congratulating on my impending crisis for all I know. But he pointed it and said "Ringló." So I don't think he wasn't insulting me. It was obviously just a friendly informative. Nothing insulting at all. I shouldn't worry about it.

Actually, A is the only one acting as if nothing's changed—he's treating me normal. At least, as normal as he's ever treated me. And Gimli, I guess, isn't being too bad. Although he does keep guffawing whenever I step within a 10-foot radius of his body. So, I'm not even talking to him. He doesn't deserve my graces.

A has apparently taken it upon himself to teach me how to use a sword. I don't think he appreciates Gimli's axe teaching techniques. So, I had to swing a sword. He almost killed me! Truly, I think he was aiming for my frickin head! But aside from an aneurysm, I think I should be just fine! And my ribs kinda hurt to. But he only hit them twice, and I think he was softening his blows after he got me in the head, so I doubt they're broken. I wonder how he'd like it if I took a sword to his skull? Or maybe I could draft the uses of Gimli and his sword… and interesting idea.

Peace, love, and bubble-gum!

Mary-Sue


	12. March 11

A/N: My sincere apologies for not updating in forever. I've been both terribly busy and, in the moments that I've not been busy, I've been terribly bored. So you got to wait for this. Aren't you lucky? lol

March 11

Dear Diary,

OK. So, it seems that A has been gathering people for something. There was this battle today when we here heading on our route. It seems that neither sides had any appreciation for dead people walking around. I share their sentiments exactly. Anyways. When they saw us coming, both battlers ran. The only one who didn't run was a guy—kinda cute, in an older sort of way. I think he was the general or king or something, since he seemed to be in charge. But he was tall, had black hair, fashioned like a lot of the men I've been seeing have been wearing their hear—kinda long, reaching their shoulders in soft waves. His skin was slightly dark, a permanent tan complexion. And he noticed me! (Granted, it was only after his huge jerk of a horse nearly ran me over, but who cares about such silly particulars?)

Anyways. A had this big conversation with the cute guy, apparently a big stirring, probably patriotic speech which left cute guy bobbing his head nervously wiping some moistness from his eyes (I can only assume that the nervous part of the motion came after he saw Dead-King staring at him. He'll get used to it. That's all Dead-King knows how to do. And he wonders why all his subjects died. They got tired of his never-ending permanent stares. It's driving me crazy and I've only known him for a few days!

Let's see. What else happened today? Well, I went for a swim. I don't think G likes water. He refused to come in, kept shaking his head. And he got REALLY mad when I splashed him with some water. He almost came in after me before he remembered that he was currently on a water fast. He probably just doesn't want me to see the massive chest of hair, which I'm sure, judging from the quantity gracing his face and scalp, he possesses. Like I really care? I haven't shaved in FOREVER! I feel like a wooly mammoth! Or some equivalent to them. But at least my hair isn't grease city. Because THAT is just nasty! I can live with being a wooly mammoth, but I refuse to be a oil deposit. The guys can do that. cough, cough Has any one _seen_ A's hair? It's atrocious! I could, like, grease a billion cooking pans for a bunch of chocolate chip cookies. Not that I'd want to. Although I wouldn't mind a warm, moist, cookie, sopping full of chocolate…I'm entering la-la land just THINKING about it! Yummy.

Tons of chocolate coming your way!

Mary-Sue

**Review Responses** (until someone from the staff verifies the rumor that Review responses will no longer be accepted, I shall still respond to my patient and long-suffering encouragers. I love you guys! (and gals, lol))

Yellow PeanutButter Ruler: What would I do without you? You're so great! hugs (sorry—I'm feeling really sentimental tonight. Lol) Sorry my update didn't come so soon…I feel terrible? Yes, Mary is going to need lots of stealth. Because, as I'm sure You know, Gimli's ears like foxes are going to detect her before she even goes after him! Lol

Legolas's Girl 9: It was a funny chapter, wasn't it? Sigh. I'm so wonderful. pats self on head It took a lot out of me! I was so exhausted, it took me forever to manage another day! nods head. right? Right.

Slayer3: Well…hello there. No, I don't think we'll kill our real Mary-Sue quite yet—first, she ought to pay for her terrible and horrendous crimes of perfect Mary-Sueism. Then we'll…dispose of her. Lol

Crecy: What can I say? All these "please update soons" are getting to my head! I feel powerful. I shall make everybody wait long and dreadful years for each sentence! Bwah-hah. Right. Sorry. Thank-you for your flattery, and welcome to the 'Boost-Lu's-Ego-club. Hands little button over. Congratulations.


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